Anxious/Restless

I'm anxious today. It's like that feeling when you're a kid at a sleepover. Everyone else in the room is peacefully asleep, but you're still awake-- fantasizing about the creatures that are lurking in the dark, sweating bullets inside your sleeping bag… when everything around you shuts down for the night but your mind can't turn off, your imagination seems to leap into action and your thoughts are amplified. It's agony in boredom-- like listening to the same song over and over, or sitting in a dark, silent room by yourself. It's unnerving. 

Today, I can't say I am bored; I'm actually up to my neck in school work. Maybe I'm just restless. A creative outlet would be nice but I don't have time for that. Hell, I don't even have enough time to finish this blog. I should've started studying hours ago.

Beam Me Up, Scotty!

Well, I'm holdin down the fort this morning. Woke up at my boyfriend's place only to realize that I'm the only one here. He went to run errands. At least he cleaned the place yesterday, so I get to stretch out on his leather couch in a nice, dust and dirt free living room and just chill. Such a tough life… 


Anyway, I was just thinking about how someone out there needs to invent a teleportation device. We've been wanting it since before Star Trek. I'd be willing to bet someone has already invented it and is just keeping it secret. If I ever find him….. well, I guess I couldn't do anything. He could just teleport away. Such an unfair advantage. Brilliant people, why must you keep this from us? Don't you think we've been through enough pain and suffering, sitting in hours of traffic while your molecules are happily zippin around above us? We've been watching people teleport on Star Trek and in other popular TV shows for decades. We want to have a turn; we want the luxury of saying, "Beam me up, Scotty!" Stop hogging it!


 In all seriousness, teleporting would make life more convenient. For example, I have a bit of free time right now and I would very much enjoy to teleport back to London real quick--spend a few hours just window shopping, maybe I'd grab some lunch. Fish and chips perhaps. No, that's too clique. (By the way, I took that picture shown above a couple summers ago. It was a gorgeous day, pure white clouds and baby blue sky. Absolutely perfect.) Or, I could pop into Le Louvre in Paris. My family dragged me through it too fast; I didn't get to see all of it. I would love to have the chance-- even if it were only a few hours at a time-- to revisit the art, especially because I have learned more about the art in class. Even better yet, I could teleport to Italy! I've never been there and I would be ecstatic to see the work of Michelangelo and Bernini in person. I could teleport there, cruise through the Sistine Chapel, and be back in time for dinner. I can't wait until that day.


On another note, I'm not sure how I feel about "blogging". I haven't put up any of my legitimate writing yet… but I want to. I guess I'm still skeptical of this because I know anybody can read it-- and what other bloggers write about, (also what I'll be writing about), can be very personal. Do I want that kind of information readily available for anyone who wants to see it? I don't know. It'd be nice to get my writing out there; I'd like to know what other people think about it. I'm just very skeptical. It may take me a little bit of time before I start actually posting some good stuff. Till then, I'll be posting little garbled bits of my thoughts. It'll have to do for now.

Happiness

Whenever my mind becomes cluttered with complaints, I open my eyes. 
It's too easy to focus on the objects we don't have, the places we've never been to, the intellect not yet developed, the people who have left our lives… we're too busy peering down into our apparent voids to give ourselves a chance to look up and check out the riches around us. Our energy is focused elsewhere--often times on the aspects of our lives we cannot change… and for what? A feeling of emptiness, of failure, of hopelessness? 


Yeah, I don't think so. I'm learning to grow beyond that. Just as beauty is in the eye of the beholder, so is happiness. I've realized that those who are truly happy have chosen to be that way--it's not because their lives are anymore exciting or wonderful than ours. They've just grasped a concept that the rest of us have seemed to pass by.


I may not be the prettiest girl, the most artistic, or the most brilliant; I don't have a playboy model body and I don't expect to blind the world with science. There are aspects of myself I would change if I could, but none of those things matter. I am fortunate to live the life that I do. I have the love of great people, I attend a beautiful university, I have the opportunity to turn my passion into a career… it would be a waste of a life to only focus on the things I don't have. So, I will invest my attention and time in what I do have, and I'm going to be ecstatic about them. I'm going to walk down the hallways of my school, books in hand, and pursue my "grande vie"-- passion for life. 


And I will be happy.